Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
