so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize