Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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