At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
