Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize