The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
