Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
