Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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