i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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