I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
