And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
