i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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