I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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