My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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