Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
