There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
