I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Randomize
