How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
