Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
