It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
