Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
