Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
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