Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
