How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
