new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
