this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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