My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
