Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
