and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Go christen that room with your naked body.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
