I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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