meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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