What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
