I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
