I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
