I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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