I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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