I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize