I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
