I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
