Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Randomize
