Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
