"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
