highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
