Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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