Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
