i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
