her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize