And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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