I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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