He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
