Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Randomize
