Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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