He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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