you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
