She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
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