I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I will die if light touches me.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
if only i could text you this smell
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Verdict: uncircumcised.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
