This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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