So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
