Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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