We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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