She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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