Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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