I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
