Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
