It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
