I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
