My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
