Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
