I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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