My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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