hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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