the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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