Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
