There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
me + whiskey = a bad person
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
