i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
